What I Would Have Missed
by dysfnctnly-sane
Summary: One-shot. Jane and Maura's first conversation after the shooting where the detective opens up about her fears of what she would've missed had she not made it. Rated T for mild language. Rizzles as always.


**This is just a little something that I thought up while on an insomniatic spree. Couldn't sleep, figured I'd write. Sorry if it sucks. I sometimes don't make sense when I'm sleep deprived.**

**As always, characters aren't mine, but I do love to play with them. ;)**

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><p>"Hey Maura…you know how they say that right before you die your life flashes before your eyes?" Jane asked. It was the first time since she awoke in the hospital after the shooting that she was alone with the medical examiner. Maura had stayed by her side since they allowed her into Jane's ICU room. Jane was comatose for the first six days, and then with the constant influx of doctors, nurses, family, and friends the two women didn't have anytime alone. This was the first time that they were able to speak privately and Jane really needed to talk to her best friend.<p>

"I have heard of that phenomenon, yes," Maura replied. "Studies have shown that the release of…"

"It happens," Jane interrupted. "I mean, it did for me anyway."

"Jane…you didn't die," Maura replied abruptly. "I mean, obviously you didn't die, although your heart did stop beating momentarily…so I guess technically…" The blonde was rattled. She hated thinking about that day, much less talking about it. Without even thinking about it, she reached for Jane's hand, needing the tactile comfort of the detective's touch.

"Maur…it's the closest I've ever come," Jane said as she rested her free hand atop the blonde's. They locked eyes for a moment and Jane saw the tears in her friend's hazel-green eyes that were threatening to fall. "I'm still here though," she continued as she gently squeezed the M.E.'s hand. "It's gonna take a hell of a lot more that than to take me out for good," Jane smirked gaining a small smile from the blonde. They sat in silence for another minute before Maura spoke up.

"What was it like?" the doctor asked. "The life flashing before you eyes, not the almost dying," she clarified.

"It was weird…kinda cool…but also scary," Jane answered.

"Scary? How so?"

"Cuz that's when you know…it's like…shit, I'm gonna die."

"That makes sense. What did you see?"

"A lot…it was like…all the best memories I have," Jane smiled. "Stuff from when I was a kid…family barbecues, birthdays, Christmas'…then I saw when I graduated from the academy and when I got my gold shield…and then I saw when I met you."

"That is a wonderful memory," Maura smiled back.

"But it didn't stop there," Jane continued. She averted her gaze, looking at their hands instead of her friends eyes. "I saw what I would have missed if I didn't make it."

"I don't think I understand," Maura replied. "What do you mean 'what you would have missed'?"

"I've been holding something back from you because I was afraid of how you might react and I don't want to lose you," Jane responded. "But after everything that's happened, I'm more afraid of dying before I ever get the chance to tell you."

"Tell me what, Jane?"

"That I love you," Jane replied returning her gaze to the hazel-green depths of her best friend's eyes. "I saw the life we could've shared had I been brave enough to say anything. I saw us dating, which isn't really that different from what we already do. The only difference is that I get to hold your hand and kiss you…I saw us spending lazy Saturdays in bed…making love…I saw us getting married…having kids…Everything that I want to share with you…"

"Jane…I don't know what to say," Maura replied. Tears began to pool in her eyes again, but she didn't let go of Jane's hand. If anything, she held it tighter.

"You can start by telling me I didn't just make a complete ass of myself," Jane said nervously.

"Jane…"

"If you don't feel the same way I understand…I just…I had to say something," Jane replied. "I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't say anything, not after almost dying. I just need to know whether or not I have a shot." She saw how the blonde winced at her last statement. "Bad choice of words, I'm sorry."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jane letting Maura process what she was telling her. "Everything you saw…it sounds wonderful," Maura finally replied.

"Really?" Jane couldn't contain the grin that spread across her face at the M.E.'s words. "You feel the same way?"

"For a while now, yes," Maura smiled back. "I never said anything because…you know how I sometimes misinterpret social cues and interactions? I was afraid that I was reading you wrong, misinterpreting _our_ interactions and seeing only what I wanted to see. It has felt as though we've been dating for a while now, minus the physical aspect of a romantic relationship. And I can state with certainty that I've wanted to kiss you since that first night you stayed in my guestroom."

"Really?" Jane grin turned into a mischievous smirk. "Why don't you get over here and kiss me now? I mean…I'd come to you but it hurts like hell to move."

"Jane, I don't want to do anything that might exacerbate your injuries," Maura replied unconvincingly.

"It's just a kiss, Maur. It won't hurt," Jane said as she lightly tugged Maura hand, pulling her closer. Maura rose from her chair to stand as close to Jane as she could. She reached her hand forward to brush some wayward curls from her friend's face before closing the gap between them. Slowly leaning in, she pressed her lips to the detective's for a soft, albeit quick, kiss. Pulling back slightly, but still leaning over the bed, Maura searched her friend's face for her reaction. When hazel-green met chocolate, Jane smiled and said, "You call that a kiss?" She then reached her hand up tangling her fingers in her friend's honey-blonde tresses, pulling her down into a searing kiss. With this kiss Jane tried to convey all her pent-up feelings and desire she harbored for her best friend. A kiss that was dripping with passion, love, and promises of what's to come. Jane deepened the kiss when Maura parted her lips and was about to pull her into the bed with her fully, when…

"Ha! I told you!"

At that sound Maura pulled back but the hand that quickly went to her hip wouldn't allow her to back away from the bed. She and Jane both looked over towards the doorway to find Frankie in a wheelchair being pushed into the room by Angela, Frank Sr. not far behind. Frankie then held his hand up to his parents, and after giving the come on gesture, Angela placed a fifty dollar bill in his hand.

"What the hell was that?" Jane asked as she and Maura tried to catch their breath. "You guys bet on us?" Her voice was laced with irritation. Irritation from both her family making bets regarding her love life and at their untimely interruption.

"Ma and Pop didn't believe that you two are totally into each other," Frankie replied. "Easiest fifty bucks I ever made."

"Um…Janie…you got a little…" Angela said pointing out the lipstick that was smeared on her lips. She couldn't help but chuckle at the blush that rose on her daughter face.

"Fuck," Jane muttered as she wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand. Maura smiled as she wiped the last of the lipstick off Jane's mouth with her thumb. Jane couldn't refrain herself from kissing that thumb as it passed over her lips.

Angela's heart warmed at the open affection the two women shared and she silently chastised herself for not seeing it before. After making sure Frankie was settle in his chair, she took an empty seat on the side of Jane's bed opposite Maura. Frank pushed Maura's chair closer to the bed for her before picking up the empty chair and carrying it over to sit next to his wife.

"Thank you, Mr. Rizzoli," Maura smiled at Jane's father as she sat in the chair.

"Please, it's Frank," he replied. "Mr. Rizzoli is my Pops, God rest his soul."

"Thank you, Frank," Maura said as she laced her fingers with that of her detective.

"No problem," he smiled back.

"So Janie…how long have you two been seeing each other behind my back?" Angela asked.

"Ma! Not everything I do is your business," Jane shot back.

"You're my daughter. Of course it's my business," Angela replied.

Jane's jaw clenched and her muscles tensed readying for yet another argument with her mother regarding her love life. That is, until she looked over at Maura and received a reassuring smile and a gentle squeeze of her hand. "It's new," Jane said in response to her mother's question.

"What do you mean it's new?" Angela asked confused. "According to Frankie…"

"Well, Frankie's wrong," Jane cut her off. "Or…partially wrong anyway." Off the baffled expression on her mother's face she continued. "I've been into her for a while, but it took me almost dying to get the courage to say anything," she admitted. "You pretty much just walked in on the start of our relationship."

"You mean that was your first kiss?" Angela asked surprised. "That was some kiss."

"Yeah," Jane responded quietly.

"Technically, Jane, that was our second kiss," Maura cut in.

"I told you that wasn't a kiss," Jane said as she lowered voice and turned towards the M.E.

"It was a kiss if the kisser is worried about the kissee's physical well being," Maura replied, also in hushed tones.

"And am I hurt after the actual kiss?" Jane smirked.

"No, but that is only because your family walked in interrupting us," Maura said.

"I have no idea what you mean by that," Jane smiled feigning innocence.

"Well, we're gonna go…give you two some privacy," Angela interrupted as she rose from her chair. She leaned over to press a kiss to her daughter's forehead before ushering her husband and son out of the room. "Just…be careful," she winked at the couple before exiting the room sliding the door closed behind her.

"Jeez Ma," Jane sighed in embarrassment. "I swear she lives to torment me."

"She's not that bad Jane," Maura smiled at the detective's embarrassment. "She loves you, and isn't that your family's way of showing each other you care, by teasing each other?"

"Yeah…I guess," Jane relented. "But still…"

"And wasn't their reaction favorable?" Maura continued. "They weren't angry or upset with the news of our new relationship. They actually seemed genuinely happy for you, all three of them."

"Yeah…that went better than expected," Jane replied. "I was kinda worried about what they were gonna say."

"And Jane…"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too," Maura smiled before capturing Jane's lips in a slow, passion-filled kiss. She broke the kiss needing air and smiled down at the brunette. "I didn't get a chance to say that before."


End file.
